BIPOLAR +]----x{

So here is my thing, I have my moments of uncertaincy, I have my moments of despair, I have my moments of absurdity and I have those moments that I deem unfair.....

I have to realize I have to love life w/or w/o love. It will come to me right? Over the past days I have been tossing or turning pulling flower pedals in my mind.

Well I cannot say I am over it, because I cannot tell the future; but I can say for now, in my present day, I am going to try my best to not dip into my past.

To realize if it is meant to be it will happen. And to always remember GOD has something A M A Z I N G planned for me!

LOST GIRL-->PROFOUND WOMAN

"True love is in the eye of the beholder"

If love is so infinite

If time is so precious

If distance and age do not matter

If everything is so true

Why is it that you and I are not glued?

Answer me, not by saying "I need my girl here with me etc"

Tell me the true reason

Let me know if it is just me that is in deep?

If so let me know so I can get over this ish, please don waste my time.

I am not your PHX girl, its either all of me or just a bestie... Time to chose!

But on the contrary I too am not sure if I can handle the significance of the relationship we would be committed too, but I am willing to try and see. We have our friendship to fall back on like we have many times before... I just need answers.

LOST GIRL w/a LOST LOVE:

i have been wonderin why i am not able to be happy... its because my heart is not inside my body.
it is somewhere floating around because the person who once had it does not know what to do with it...
i feel torn and at this point all my hope is lost....
idk how this person kan be settling for others, while i sit here and try but it isnt the same.
i thought if i told myself "im over you! im over you!" it would come true, but guess what I AM NOT...
it sucks that distance plays a huge part in why we are not together, but damn if that is the case idt we will be together anytime soon.
so maybe i should just keep tellin myself i am over u, that it is nothing but a friendship.
i have this feeling that i am not being told the whole truth, i feel like this "friend/homegurl" is more than that.... but on the otherside it could just be the inner envious me because she gets to spend a ton of time w/u because yall go to the same school
i believe you when u say she is just a friend, and yall did try to be more but it wasnt right. i have no reason not to believe you....but i would be devistated if i found out otherwise...
well i just needed to vent... and if ur reading this.... ur birthday is today... 5/26 happy birthday!
love -lost girl

DAILY LOFE: VOL VI-->ALUMNI OF 09! I FN MADE IT!

IT FEELS AMAZING TO BE OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL.

THE NEXT CHAPTER OF MY LIFE BEGINS!

I WILL NOT TAMPER WITH MY PAST!

ONLY LIVE IN THE PRESENT AND DREAM ABOUT THE FUTURE!

THE LORD WILL GUIDE ME THROUGH!

I HAVE SOME IMPROVEMENTS, NOT CHANGES, BUT IMPROVEMENTS TO DO!

LIFE IS LOOKING UP!

DAILY LIFE: VOL V

WELL WELL WELL I MADE IT! GRAD NIGHT IS TONIGHT! MAN MY SENIOR YEAR HAD THE MOST ISH!

STARTED W/THE DEATH OF OUR SCHOOL RED HEAD! JOSH AKA CARROT TOP! THEN MY AUNTY KITTY PASSED, THEN MY BOY JUSTIN, THEN MY UNCLE ROSE THEN MY BIG MAMMA. THESE ARE ONLY THE DEATHS.

MY HIGH SCHOOL HAD HAVOC OVER MRSA, THEN A SPILL PF MERCURY, SOME KIDS SETTIN EACH OTHER ON FIRE AND POSSIBLE SWINE FLU.

THEN FOR MY SPORTS-DIDNT PLAY BASKETBALL DUE TO POOR JUDGEMENT [NOT ON MY BEHALF THO] AND TRACK WAS A GOOD SEASON TILL THE STATE MEET. WOW WHAT A WAY TO END MY SEASON YA?

DID THE WORST EVER IN TRIPLE DIDNT EVEN MAKE IT TO FINALS, WHICH IS UNUSUAL! UGH BUT EVERYONE HAS THEIR OFF DAYS MINE JUST HAPPENED TO BE ON THE MOST IMPORTANT MEET. OUR 4X1 GOT 7TH. WE DIDNT EVEN AUTO QUALIFY OR WIN REGION WE WERE AN AT LARGE TEAM AND WE DID WELL.

I LOST A FEW CLOSE FRIENDS BUT GAINED A FEW GREAT FRIENDS!

AND NOW IT GRADUATION. TIME TO PUT ALL THAT BEHIND ME AND TRY TO USE THESE ASPECTS OF MY LIFE TO GIVE ME STRENGTH AND WISDOM.

I HAVE MEETINGS WITH GCC AND PVCC NEXT WEEK. I HAVE A JOB NOW! LIFE IS ALREADY LOOKIN UP!

DAILY LIFE: VOL IV

So what is going on with me? Well I am about to graduate. I have been through some ish. I lost my Big Mamma. I lost a friend I have had for many years. But all in all I am doing good.

Graduation is May 19th! So much anxiety! I am ranked 3rd in region for triple 9th in 4A-I. I am still in the top 20% of my class. I may be getting a scholarship to Paradise Valley Community College or Mesa Community College! They are coming to see my final performance in the triple and 4x1 relay Wednesday, May 13th and Saturday, May 16th at MCC!

So as you can see life is progressing. My love life is still blah as always, but its alright. The right guy will come along when God believes I am ready.

My parents just bout a million dollar home for the mid 300s!! I am looking for an apartment with my future roomie/sis Manda! I am anxious and excited to see where this next chapter of my life will being me!